Monkey on a Segway

Why do they let him crash it over and over? Well, it's funny nonetheless.

A Really Nice Catch

This advert makes me sick. The Guardian summarises my feelings perfectly; those little harpies! Whatever happened to their Mother? They don't care. They just want their Dad to get it on with a hot new nubile money digging siren so he'll feel guilty and lavish gifts upon them. Little runts. When they grow up and start going out with the richboy jocks he'll be left poor and feeling demasculinised. They'll marry themselves off and get divorced, themselves becoming money digging sirens, while their poor father will turn to drink. He'll sleep alone in a gutter in an alley behind a bar; they'll grow old and become venereal ridden prostitutes. They'll eventually bump into each other and they'll have an epiphanic reunion. But by then, it'll be too late, and they'll all die of AIDS. Damn you, 'Just For Men', and your amoral profiteering! Damn you to hell!

Etch-a-Sketch Art

Jeff Gagliardi is pretty hot on the old Etch-a-Sketch. Here are my favourites:

The Persistence of Memory by Salvador Dali

Starry Night by Van Gogh

The Mona Lisa by Leonardo Da Vinci

American Gothic by Grant Wood

World Domino Day 2008

So I'm a bit behind, but in a boxing day haze I watched Domino Day 2008 on Channel 5. It was truly amazing, with a new world record was set with 4,345,027 dominos toppled. In total, 10 records were broken- in addition to total number of dominos felled, I witnessed:

• Longest domino spiral (200 m)
• Highest domino climb (12 m)
• Smallest domino stone (7 mm)
• Largest domino stone (4.8 m)
• Longest domino wall (16 m)
• Largest domino structure (25,000 stones)
• Fastest topple of 30 metres of domino stones (4.21 sec) (against a sprinter)
• Largest number of domino stones resting on a single domino (727 stones)
• Largest rectangular level domino field (1 million stones)

Mr. Domino is a crazy guy! Here is my favourite bit from this years event, the black hole.

Is it Christmas?

Hell yeah it is!!! As a festive treat, here is KT Tunstall's Mele Kalikimaka. A rather nice holiday jingle methinks. Not sure how long this link will be up, but nevermind.

Merry Christmas!!!

Tracking Santa

So it's Christmas Eve and I've been following Father Christmas' progress, as provided by NORAD (just for a little bit!). It's really easy to set up:

1) Download and install Google Earth

2) Open this file

3) Double click on NORAD Santa on the left navigation panel to be shown Father Christmas' current position.

When I last checked he was over Fiji. However, one thing is a little upsetting- there are only 9 reindeer! I'll just have to assume Dasher, Vixen and Donna have called in sick for the year. Bah humbug.

Super Mario 64

On another note, the low frequency posting is due to:

a) It being Christmas
b) Me having got hold of Super Mario 64

I know I'm a few years late, but what an awesome game! I'm on about 90 stars- I'm gunning for 100% completion. I must admit I've used this brilliant walkthrough a few times, but I only got it yesterday so I think I'm doing fairly well. I think I've said it before, but nerd, moi?

Panda-monium mark 2

So China gave Taiwan 2 pandas, Tuan Tuan and Yuan Yuan, as a Christmas present. They're pretty cool- look how they frolic! They travelled in a private aeroplane with 1700 pounds of bamboo (in case they don't like the food in their new zoo) and motion sickness pills. In addition to this, they were protected with an armed guard of 500 men.

500? Like someone was going to assasinate two pandas??? I can imagine it'd create quite a big incident, but it's China vs. Taiwan. I mean, seriously?

Kate Perry Mash Up

So I've survived my sister's wrath. I am, however, trapped in my room, extremely bored, so I've been digging around on the net. I don't normally like Kate Perry, but this mash up by Divide and Kreate is pretty good. At least it drowns out the screams of rage.

The Last Post?

Hello. This may be my last post- I forgot to record the Strictly Come Dancing final for my sister. I fear for my life. If this is it, it has been a pleasure digging out the weird and wonderful from the internet. I've have thoroughly enjoyed it, and have no regrets.

If I survive, I will post with vigour anew.

Adieu!

Nike ID Bespoke

...is, like, Nike ID Studios to the max. I recently went to Nike ID Studios in London, but don't have a camera- I've been waiting to take some photos. Bespoke, however, looks utterly amazing.

So, first of all, with Bespoke, you can customise the Air Force 1. Being such a formidable shoe, that's pretty darn sweet. Secondly, you can change 31 parts of the shoe, including the deubré. (This term, for a tag on the laces, originated at Nike in 1994 when Damon Clegg, a Scottish designer, called it a doobrie- that's Scottish slang for a thingy. His audience mistook it for a technical term and the word evolved.) 31 parts is a hell of a lot in comparison to ID Studios. There are 82 material and colour options. Exclusive options include the Elephant and Safari print, full grain suede, nubuck and leathers, Italian full grain patent leather, premium denim and reflective synthetic leathers.

Trouble is, it's in SoHo, New York.

I'm literally drooling.

The L Game

Incidentally, whilst on the topic of De Bono, I'm highly intrigued by his L Game. The basic premise is that moves are taken in turn, and each move consists of moving your L piece first (a move you have to do), then either of the two neutral black pieces (a move you don't have to do). The aim is to block your opponent from being able to place his/her (got to be politically correct) L piece. There are 2296 possible arrangements of the pieces, and supposedly, with two perfect players, the game can continue indefinitely. Must try!

Marmighty thinking

So I know I'm 9 years late but this is pretty good. Edward De Bono, originator of the phrase 'lateral thinking' and general all round genius, proposed the solution to all conflict in the Middle East- marmite!

The thinking went like this:

1) A lack of zinc makes people irritable and angry.
2) Zinc is normally produced by yeast.
3) The bread in the Middle East is unleavened. This means there is widespread zinc deficiency.
4) Marmite contains lots of zinc.
5) Marmite will make people less irritable and angry. Hence, ship out marmite to the Middle East.

...

Right.

And I thought marbutter was a little obscure.

Winning Routemaster Design Revealed

Further to my post about the London routemaster design competition, the finalists have been announced. And the winners are... Aston-Martin and Capoco!!!

The Aston-Martin is a low emission design featuring a glass roof and solar panels, easy accessibility and (get this) a wooden floor.

The Capoco design retains the old school front grill over the engine, but is set low for easy access.

I like both designs, but the Aston-Martin edges it with the wooden floors. Nice! The only thing better would've have been a plush red carpet. Anyway, goodbye you bastard bendy buses.

So much for the smiley bus.

The Brick Testament

Cain and Abel from the Brick Testament- scenes from the Bible in lego. One of my favourites. Lego babies are also pretty good.

Post Secret

http://postsecret.blogspot.com/. As featured in the Guardian's top 100 websites for 2009.

Christmas Jokes

Right, following my question asking who writes Christmas cracker jokes, I haven't yet had any solutions. The main reason I wanted to know was because I think I'd be perfect for the job. This is for two reasons:

1. I recently made some Christmas crackers (from a kit) for a warm up dinner. This confirmed what I've already known for a very long time and what my friends keep reminding me- my jokes are of Christmas cracker calibre.
2. I am a student. Logically, crackers should be made when demand is low- i.e. summer. It'd be a good summer job.

To any potential employers who happen to be browsing (it's a long shot but worth a go), here are some of my original Christmas themed cracker jokes:

Q. Did you hear about the multi-talented elf?
A. He has many gifts.

Q. Have you heard about the man crazy about December 25th?
A. He's a Chstmas cracker!

Q. Do you know what an elk's favourite type of weather is, dear?
A. Rein-deer!

Q. How do you hail an indecisive frozen person?
A. Ye-S-No-Man! (Ye Snowman... geddit?)

Q. Why coldn't the teddy bear eat any more Christms dinner?
A. Because it was stuffed!

Slightly rude one (I can go there too- I'm not afraid to push the limits):

Q. Did you hear Father Christmas go arrested for prostitution?
A. He has walking down the street yelling ho ho ho!

You see! I'd be awesome at it. Job offers in the comments please!

Loose Ball Evades Entire NBA

No seriously, it happened. It's in the news and everything.

Christmas Cracker Jokes

Who writes them? In an effort to solve this enigma I've asked the world at large. Just use the little grey cells...

Goodbye Des and Carol!

Today marked the end of Des O'Connor and Carol Vorderman's time on Countdown. While Des has been there since January 2007, Carol has been doing the numbers for 26 year ever since the show first started on Channel 4- quite an achievement as Countdown was its first ever broadcast. A clearly emotional Carol said "that not having Countdown will leave a massive hole in my life and that is so sad".

While it is a shame to have Carol leave over a pay row when she's clearly so intrinsic to the show, what I realised today is that Countdown still can go on and on and on. Maybe her wages were unjustifiable to the soul of the programme. Carol said it herself- the ethos has always been that of 'innocence' and 'kindness'. I believe this is what preserves Countdown against everything, and is why I love it; there's no hidden agenda, just the chance for everyone to enjoy revelling in language. Carol fitted in so well with that; I hope her replacement is of the same vein.

Thank you, Carol- you've been great!

Incidentally, Carol's replacement is a girl called Rachel Riley (left, obviously)- hubba hubba!

Run

Cyber spacey 3D runner- awesome fun. Hitting the walls flips the screen. Just don't fall! Addiction warning- I spent just under two hours completing all 50 levels and now, I have thumb ache.

Controls: Left/Right, Space to jump.

A Real Life Cat Burglar

Frankie's not quite McCavity (he's been caught) but he is a very good thief. This cat goes round the neighbourhood and steals furry toys- especially leopards, which he seems to like as he's got 15 of them. Quite cute too.

Tracking Father Christmas on Google Earth

Looks awesome. This site allows you to follow Father Christmas' progress on Christmas Eve on Google Earth in 3D for free. Good idea, but I probably won't be at my computer then- I'm a little too old to be excitedly watching my computer screen (well, not for Santa, anyway!).

Kai Watch '08...

...has, sadly, come to an end. Kai was felled in an epic battle with Charlie Reams, a countdown afficionado. The contest was fraught with excitement, but, ultimately, Charlie's lexicon proved just too strong. The highlight of the show for me was when both players declared different 9s- 'notarised' and 'ordinates'. How good is that? Now to reflect on the good times. Cue 30 second montage of Kai guessing conundrums set to the famous Countdown jingle...

(Found on thecountdown wiki (incidentally, run by Charlie- the guy just loves Countdown)- "Charlie Reams strikes fear into the heart of his enemy.")

Is it Christmas?

Very simply, NO. Similarly, is it tuesday? Again, NO. I can't wait for the year Christmas falls on a tuesday.

Kai Watch '08

Kai Laddiman (of Countdown octochamp fame) today won his quarter final bout, advancing towards the semis. It was a damn close run thing- early on, he debated about declaring a 9 of 'moraliser', instead putting forward the 8 of 'moralise', before going be down 30-37. He retook the lead with a couple of nifty words before losing it again, going into the last numbers round 72-73 down. Thankfully he won the numbers to go into the crucial conundrum 82-73 up, and we all know how good Kai is at conundrums- he got all 8 during his octochamp run. The lights were dimmed; you could hear hearts pounding. The letters came up; CLASSRIDE. The clock started...

...and finished. Nobody got it, not even anyone in the audience. Here's the reason- the word was 'laserdisc'. Uhuh. I thought we were onto blue ray now? Anyway, Kai is back in action tomorrow on C4 at 3.30pm, verbally fighting for a place in the grand finals. Go Kai!

On another note, the gorgeous Susie Dent's origin of words were good today. I particularly liked hotch-potch and balderdash. These used to be known as (respectively) a crazy mixed stew and a crazy mixed drink; now they mean a crazy mixture and rubbish. However, WOTD has to go to Jo Brand's 'borbarigmus', meaning the 'rumbles of the stomach'. Following a bit of investigation, borbarigmus is usually an accompaniment to the 'collywobbles'- stomachache.

I love Countdown!

Loving Lucha Libre

I love Lucha Libre! My second visit to Camden's Roundhouse was a blast. There was lots of stuff going on. My personal highlight (aside from the tag team bout between midgets) was the three way match between Santo, Blue Demon Jr. and Cassandro and Solar, Mystyco and Ramses. Good fun. Upsettingly, we didn't see El Lobo the Troll. Oh well- at least I got to add to my mask collection.

SJP looks like a horse

So normally I don't care much for celeb bashing. The very literal sarahjessicaparkerlookslikeahorse.com, however, is hilarious- weirdly true as well!

Greatest. Fail. Ever?

Probably my all time favourite from Fail Blog. This is possibly to do with the unintended slightly sensual curvature of the stick figure:

Sonic Hedgehog

So on tuesday I was taught about the hedgehog genes, so named as when they were being studied in fruit flies absence of this gene caused the growth of spines. The first two are named after real species of hedgehog (Indian and desert), but the third was named by Gilbert in Developmental Biology after Sonic the Hedgehog. Very funny for developmental biologists, but imagine telling some parents that their child has died due to a defect in the sonic hedgehog gene (it's pretty fatal)! Actually, I think it's worth it. Science needs some humour sometimes.

Mirror's Edge

I really, really really want this game. It looks AWESOME. So I might vomit a little, but who cares? Apparently, this is due to the proprioceptors in the brain being activated- i.e. the game is too realistic. Which makes it all the more amazing. I want it!