David Merlini smashes world submerging record

David Merlini, a Hungarian escape artist and protégé of Uri Geller, has smashed the world submerging record by more than three minutes. He managed to hold his breath for 21 minutes and 29 seconds- screw you, David Blaine, and your ridiculous oversized goldfish bowl!


Hilarious Cybersex Transcripts

C-Dub is a genius. Or he's got issues... My favourite bit:

BritneySpears29: I kiss you softly on your chest.
C-Dub: I cast Level 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
BritneySpears29: Hey...
C-Dub: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Level 8 Cock of the Infinite.
BritneySpears29: Funny I still don't see it.
C-Dub: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty Fuk of the Beyondness.
BritneySpears29: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.


Arrested Development Movie

Come on! It has to happen. Arrested Development remains one of my favourite comedies of all time. Can't believe it got pulled- I walked around with my head bowed and imaginary sad music playing for a month.


Is it beer o'clock?

What do you think?

Cue some kind of bull in a china shop joke...

Oh, it's for real. I love the fact that it ran past Tescos.


Haikus of Boredom

The sun is shining.
I'm stuck inside. Revision
Sucks ass, actually.

Snooker is only
Interesting when you have
Something else to do.

Why am I writing
Haikus? I should be learning
About genetics.


Medical Specialties Flowchart

Career sorted! Worryingly I end up in radiology- not really too interested in that. Hmmm, maybe I should work a bit more instead of blogging. Via.

Bread Flash Dance WTF?

I wish I could move like him. Or bake, for that matter. Via.

Cult Potato's new layout!

I nearly lost the whole blog twice in the process, but I've changed the width of the 'posts' column and added a digg button (down there, bottom right!). Bloody mission- in order to get it in the right place, I had to go into minus pixels. I know, I'm confused too.


Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you... the logophile and wordsmith, Monty Burns

Whilst watching The Simpsons today, Mr. Burns came out with "Smithers, get this bedlamite an alienist!" Fantastic! It reminded me of his classic one liners of old. This forum seems to have quite a good list. My favourites:

"This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election, and yet if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you!"

"What are you doing in my corpse hatch? Er, I mean, 'innocence tube'."

"Smithers had thwarted my earlier attempt to take candy from a baby, but with him out of the way, I was free to wallow in my own crapulence." (I've only ever heard of 'crapulence' once before- in Evelyn Waugh's Scoop!)

"Ooh, the Germans are mad at me. I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans!"

Aaahhh, classic.

Susie Dent on Twitter?

Hope this isn't the real Susie Dent- I would be so disappointed if she really "unabashedly wants to see 17 again."

Those crazy Japanese...


Real life Pac Man

Bloody hilarious! Best idea I've seen for ages.


This. Is. Photobomb!

A fine collection of hilariously jacked photos. My favourites:

WOTD: Rocktor

Rocktor (n)- someone in the medical profession of being a doctor, who rocks. (Via)


I loved the original Bloons, so I'm quite taken by Bloonsworld, a site for all things monkey+dart+bloon related. I even made my own levels, taking inspiration from superheroes- Wonder Woman, Spiderman and, my favourite, The Flash. Hope you like them! Oh, yes, I am aware that this is the ultimate display of uber geekiness.

Jaguar Skills- 30 Years of Hip Hop in 60 Minutes

This is pretty dope! Not sure how long BBC will host it for, so if the player is broken, it can be downloaded from here.

Aquagenic Urticaria

An allergy to water! I kid you not. I would be so so gutted if I had this. Very sorry for this Australian girl, although if I got a rash every time I perspired I'd probably move somewhere a bit cooler. Scandinavia, maybe.

This woman also seems to suffer the same complaint, although I'm dubious about her only being able to drink DC (diet coke for the uninitiated)- it contains water, doesn't it? (As an aside, I reckon I could subsist solely on DC and DC related products. I'm a self-confessed addict.)

Belated Congratulations...

How could I have forgotten? I missed an extremely auspicious birthday yesterday. My apologies must go to... Susie Dent's mother! (Ha! You thought I was going to say the Queen didn't you? Bah humbug to that. Although well done Ma'am- hope you had a great day, big fan etc. etc..)


Flaming Bacon Lance of Death

Why would you do this? Bit stupid really. Just proves that cooked bacon is fairly heatproof. And for God's sake, it's prosciutto!

Snakes escape on Qantas flight

I smell a film script!!! Ironic really, considering my previous but two post.


Talking to Animals

Last night I watched a programme on BBC3 about a couple of people living with pigs for a few days. It was surprisingly good, but the best revelation is the existence of an 'expert in pig communication'- what a job! Apparently, pigs have extensive grunt communication, obviously mainly based on tone, inflection and cadence. This morning I searched for this language on the net but, sadly, it is not a well recognised topic. What I did find, however, was this guide on communicating with cats. Here's the crux of the matter:


Mew (high pitched and thin) - a polite plea for help
MEW! (loud and frantic) - an urgent plea for help

Adult cats:

mew - plea for attention
mew (soundless) - a very polite plea for attention (this is Paul Gallico's "Silent Miaow" which is probably a sound pitched too high for human ears)
meow - emphatic plea for attention
MEOW! - a command!
mee-o-ow (with falling cadence) - protest or whine
MEE-o-ow (shrill whine) - stronger protest
MYUP! (short, sharp, single note) - righteous indignation
MEOW! Meow! (repeated) - panicky call for help
mier-r-r-ow (chirrup with liting cadence) - friendly greeting


merrow - challenge to another male
meriow - courting call to female

Mother cats:

MEE-OW - come and get it!
meOW - follow me!
ME R-R-R-ROW - take cover!
mer ROW! - No! or Stop It!
mreeeep (burbled) - hello greeting to kittens and disarming greeting to adult cats (also used between adult cats and humans)

Quite interesting. I imagine it would be useful for my cats, but they hardly ever mew at all. Rubbish, I would very much like to know if they get fed up with cat food day on day.


Candy Sushi

Will be making me some of these (but probably after my exams when I have time to piss around):

Kenyan man bites python in epic struggle

So in the news yesterday was this story about a battle between a man and a python. I'm most impressed that the snake "dragged him up a tree." How strong is that? Anyway, the man escaped by biting the python, thus freeing a hand so he could call for help on his mobile. What is it about people using their mouths as weapons? For instance, way back I made this post about the American tourist who bit a panda. Does it boil down to animal instinct? Hmm.

Oh, and while I'm on the snake theme, guess the film?


Car Vapourised by 650mph Rocket

Destroying stuff is fun.


Best Costume Award 2009

I'm back from the wilds of Scotland! Did you miss me?

A nice, gentle post to ease me back into it. This guy wins the best costume award 2009 hands down, even though it is only Easter.


Bacon Lube

I'm not joking.


It's April Fools' Day!

I've been scanning the media for their prank stories:

'Twitter switch for Guardian, after 188 years of ink'- an article detailing how the Guardian will now be exclusively published on Twitter. I particularly like the twitterisation of stories from the past, such as "OMG Hitler invades Poland, allies declare war see tinyurl.com/b5x6e for more" and "JFK assassin8d @ Dallas, def. heard second gunshot from grassy knoll WTF?"

The Times were a bit weak this year. They had a picture of sheep painted in rainbow colours to celebrte tartan week, or something like that. Clearly someone adept at photoshop had too much time. Nice pic though!

The Telegraph went for a story about how the Environment Agency have proposed that fish swimming up rivers could generate green electricity. Trials were being overseen by Gavin Roach for the Universite de Poisson d'Avril in Paris.
I very much like the Daily Mail's image of Jacqui Smith leaving a branch of Ann Summers, as ridiculous as it is. Unfortunately, that page has now been removed!

Metro went for an 18 room 'hotelicopter'. Not a chance!

And the rest... the Daily Mirror claimed to have conducted an interview with 'Deal or No Deal's' anonymous 'Banker', the Sun went down a football route, saying that the Ukranian national anthem is 6 minutes long and contained the lyrics "there is no such thing as chicken Moscow" (painful!) (England vs. Ukraine is tonight) and the Daily Express had an invisible car.

And that appears to be that! Oh, and I did stumble across this story, which I assumed was an April Fool, about a man foiling a bank robbery as he assumed it was an April Fool. I like it very much. I've also been enjoying procrastinating on this site of the top 100 April Fools' Day jokes of all time. Didn't know about the left-handed Whopper burger.

UPDATE: Just found out Youtube's featured videos all revolve around (geddit?) being upside-down. I believe the expression is 'lol'.