Scorchio! The Perfect Summer Evening

Whew! Summer hit hard today- it was unbearably hot. I stupidly have taken to going running around midday under the (probably mistaken) idea that it'll serve me well come rugby season. What an error! I practically melted. Oh well, my evening more than made up for it. This is my original (i.e. completely made up) chicken pie recipe- I know pie seems out of place for summer, but my supper seemed to frame the evening beautifully.

Charlie's Ambrosial Chicken Pie

1. Cut up some spring onions

2. Quarter some mushrooms

3. Fry these off in a pot

4. Add half a leftover roast chicken (or whatever really!)

5. Add a glass of good white wine

6. Pour and drink a glass for yourself

7. Add 2 cups of water to the pot

8. Add chicken and mushroom stock

9. Season to taste with pepper, tobasco and wholegrain mustard

10. Boil down until the chicken breaks up and is gloriously juicy and tender

11. Add some cream

12. Chop parsley finely and add it to the pot

13. Boil down again until liquid is minimal

14. Pour into pie vessel (a.k.a. a dish!)

15. Cover in pastry

16. Cook in oven

17. Pour and drink more sauvignon

18. Eat pie! (with salad so there's the illusion of healthiness)

Furthermore, I recommend playing Joe Dassin's 'Les Champs-Elysées' in the background. If, like me, you enjoy tinkling the ivories now and then, this song is really quite easy to play. The sheet music is here and here.

You know, despite the fact that I have done exactly nothing today, I've really enjoyed myself. I'm going to save this memory of contentment for more stressed days!

Kicks Time!

3 themed pairs for you this time. Not ones I'd ever buy, but still re-dunk-culously cool.

I'll start off with the Nike Big High Flintstones. All you need now is a dinosaur skin and a bone club. These kicks would be such an awesome indulgence. If only I were loaded...

Next, I present to you the Nike Dunk SB Blue Lobster Concepts. Not only is the idea and presentation wicked, but the shoes look amazing and would be highly wearable. It's not like they've got pincers on or are dayglo yellow or something (NB- I'm not saying dayglo yellow is totally unwearable, but it's just a lot harder to wear with, like, most clothes. In short, more effort is required.) Apparently, I also missed the original Nike Dunk SB Lobsters from last year- I want them. Love that band around the toe!

Finally, I'm afraid I'm straying from my beloved Nikes, but I just couldn't resist. How sweet are these Puma Suede Mid Penguins. Just freakin' amazing!

I ♥ Murray

Let Me Google That For You

If you, like me, have friends, siblings or parents who will insist on asking you to look stuff up for them on the internet instead of doing it for themselves, let me google that for you is just the ticket. Here's one I made earlier.

Schalk Burger Eye Gouge

Further to my post yesterday, a video of the gouge appeared overnight. Disgraceful.

UPDATE: Also found video highlights. Check out the O'Driscoll's tackle at 4.39 (and effects of it at 5.19) and the extremely controversial try (and several slow-mos of it!) at 6.37.

Lions vs. South Africa- Second Test

Via the magic of justin.tv I managed to watch the Lions second test against South Africa live today. I can honestly say it was one of the best rugby matches I have ever seen. The players truly were wearing their hearts on their sleeves. Inevitably, this always leads to some unsavoury moments, but it also meant that the match turned out to be an absolute stonker. What really, really upset me, though, was the disgusting gouge by Schalk Burger on Luke Fitzgerald. He fully deserves his 0 rating from the Telegraph. There is no room for that in the game. You can understand a bit of fistycuffs; it's the competitive nature of rugby, and, due to this, it's going to boil over once and again. This is fine as long as it doesn't spoil the broth. However, eye gouging is bloody dangerous and, in my mind, Burger should receive a massive ban. It really isn't fun- I got gouged last season. I was ok, but I went f**king mental at the perpetrator. The worst thing in my case was that he got off scott free as the ref didn't see. That is NOT rugby.

Anyway, finished ranting now- what I really want to find is a video replay of the try! Really, really think that the South African chappy was out. In addition, when Ronan O'Gara gave away that penalty at 79.56 on the clock, I don't think it was a deliberate take out in the air. If you watch his eyes they're clearly on the ball for the whole time. Harumph!

I also seriously want to get hold of a video of O'Driscoll taking down Rossouw halfway through the second half. I suppose until then this article will have to do. That totally depicted the commitment the Lions are all about. Long may they last!

I love rugby.

Freakiest Optical Illusion Ever

You guessed it, the green and the blue are the same colour. I did a double take too- explanation here. "It's my happening, baby, and it freaks me out!"

11 Most Unintentionally Hilarious Website Names

They really are hilarious. My favourite is sydneytherapist.com, mainly because I'm a massive Arrested Development fan and even before I read the blurb Tobias Funke sprang to mine:

Tobias Funke: "You forgetting that I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world's first analrapist."
...
Tobias Fünke: No, no, it's pronounced a-nal-ra-pist."
Buster: "It wasn't really the pronunciation that bothered me."

WTF Tattoos

These are pretty bad. Here are my favourites:

Boxing Cat!

My money's still on Pacquiao.

Load at the Royal Albert Hall

Yesterday I went to see 'Load' at the Royal Albert Hall. It was held in the loading bay under the actual hall where all the deliveries come in. 9 graffiti artists made murals of notable performers in the history of the Royal Albert Hall, featuring not only musicians (such as Frank Sinatra and Jay Z) but other figures such as Albert Einstein, Sir Winston Churchill and even Sumo Wrestlers. It was pretty awesome!

One of my favourite things there, though, was an interactive graffiti wall. This rocked so hard- it was basically a big screen which you could virtually tag. I suppose it worked a bit like a Nintendo Wii, but for controllers you had a paint can. I sucked at it, but others were laying down some supreme labels. I want one! (There are more videos of the YrWall here. The one entitled 'Cordy House' is pretty awesome!)

GoalKeeper Hockey Hero

OK, I promise this is the last bit of geeky gaming nostalgia I blog about for, like, at least a month. Whilst revelling in the games of my youth, I recalled that I myself once made a game. A bit of digging later and voila! Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you... GoalKeeper Hockey Hero! I think I made this when I was about twelve. I've got no idea how I did it- it's not actually that bad. Oh, I realise the theme is very odd, but I used to be a hockey goalkeeper (not ice hockey; normal hockey) and remember feeling constantly undervalued. I've put it up on RapidShare- this allows 10 downloads. In the unlikely event that this number is reached, put something in the comments and I'll put it up again. Enjoy (actually, you probably won't, but hey, be nice!)! And yes, the GoalKeeper character is moustached.

Download Link Here

A Veritable Gaming Orgy

I've completed The Tinies. It took me all of 8 hours- until 2am last night, then I delivered the killer blow this morning. It almost killed me. I had nightmares of little moving blobs bashing their heads against my skull. Anyway, what a game! In terms of playtime, this took longer than Call of Duty 4. Codes below. Who needs a PS3!?

(Actually I'd rather have the PS3.)

0. ADJUACES 1. GASIANDI 2. GROIDEKN 3. NEBACRUC 4. RESTUSHA 5. ENTRLACO 6. BOTCREPA 7. OCTOANVA 8. COADSUPP 9. RAWBSKIT 10. TANGVILI 11. DENAJOIN 12. VAMBTHEA 13. UNPASUBO 14. LANDPAPY 15. PREPPAND 16. NIFESAIL 17. BROCINDI 18. BUSKPULI 19. LOGIMARA 20. OCTOGLAB 21. TRISEMES 22. CONVJEHO 23. RENDCLIN 24. NEGAPOLY 25. PETRACCE 26. SPONENCR 27. LAZYHOMI 28. HENDOUTK 29. PAPYEPIP 30. COCKSTUM 31. ETHIGANG 32. INLADONC 33. INTEASSA 34. MASTWOOD 35. ABROINST 36. BACKBANA 37. ECLOWHIP 38. GROIIMPO 39. CUBACUBA 40. DECLDROL 41. SIMPUNDE 42. UNHUSCHO 43. LEGAMURA 44. ANIMCATE 45. LAUGMAGA 46. PALSDYSS 47. BROCREVE 48. PORRUNDE 49. UIGUAPER 50. NONHMISC 51. PERUSMIT 52. DYSSDEKN 53. DIURGASI 54. ODORCAUS 55. PEASANCH 56. URORDEFE 57. SUBBPICK 58. RULASCAR 59. NODUOOPH 60. COBEGALE 61. TROLTACS 62. PEASVAMB 63. XYLOWIRE 64. SCIUMINT 65. EUGERUNE 66. ERUPPLOT 67. MARICONK 68. NURSHISP 69. SNOBHOMO 70. PORTCARO 71. CHARGEDA 72. UNNEPOWS 73. POONROMA 74. PREAPREP 75. SAILZOON 76. ISOSNURS 77. HENDWOOD 78. AGONUPSN 79. LANDDIVU 80. NICKMAST 81. PICKROLL 82. OUTSSPOT 83. KALAACCE 84. TELORULA 85. WORKLAUD 86. GRAIUPLA 87. POLOOCTO 88. REPADETA 89. FELDUNFO 90. BADIVELL 91. PATIBEEF 92. TITASAUC 93. PUPIUNPR 94. MASTERUP 95. QUARFELD 96. GRIFSIDE 97. WHITUNNI 98. DOWNINSU 99. UNLIISOP 100. MUAD DIB

The Tinies on Apple IIGS Emulator

Woo, who's up for some old school gaming? I was thinking about my misspent youth yesterday and I remembered that quality game, The Tinies. A quick google later revealed it was played on an Apple IIGS. I didn't really care, but I wondered if I could get this working on my PC? So, one wasted day later and it's game on! Setting it up was an absolute mission, but I used this guide and it helped a lot. Anyway, here's how you do it. (I have no idea why this works by the way.) I recommend keeping everything in the same folder or it could get confusing.

1. Download KEGS32 from here.
2. Download gsrom03 from here.
3. Download this install disk thingy from here.
4. Download 'The Tinies' from here.
5. This is where it gets tricky. Extract everything, then open the KEGS32 emulator thingy.
6. Press F6, or sometimes F4 (whatever opens up the Config screen).
7. Navigate to ROM file selection.
8. Select the gsrom03 file.
9. Select Back to Main Config, then select Disk Configuration.
10. In slot s7d1, open up new.po (it extracts from the install disk thingy).
11. In slot s5d1, open up The Tinies.2mg.
12. Select Back to Main Config, then navigate to Speed.
13. Change it to 2.8MHz.
14. Select Exit Config. Done! The Apple IIGS operating system should then load.
15. Select The Tinies folder on the apple desktop, then play!
16. Break down in nostalgic tears as childhood memories come flooding back.

Oh, you can also play other Apple IIGS classics, such as Paperboy or Winter Games using this method. Just load up the relevant file instead of The Tinies. God, I need a life.

Sourdough Starters

I'm inspired (and a little drunk, but mostly inspired). Having watched the venerable Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall's River Cottage show, I've decided I might keep some sourdough starter. How awesome would it be to make fresh bread whenever you need it? And apparently, when you get it going, you only need to feed it once a week. I've been banned from keeping fish; I think I'll keep yeast instead. It seems to be remarkably simple- I'll be following Mr. Ross' instructions. They seem to be kosher. I'll keep you posted (literally).

Terrible Jokes I Made Up (they're really bad)!

Regular readers (so that'd be no-one) might recall that I reckon I'd be perfect at writing christmas cracker jokes. Well, whilst going through files on my old computer, I found a host of school related jokes which I made up. Then wrote in a Word document. I'm such a loser. (I don't think they're that bad though!).

Maths

Q. Why did the mathematician sharpen his compass?
A. So he could get the point!

Q. Why do lumberjacks like maths?
A. They like the logs!

Q. Why did the geometrical instrument whip the slave?
A. He was a ruler!

Q. Why did the geometrical instrument vote for the farmers?
A. It was pro-tractor!

Q. Why did the mathematician have a cubic jelly?
A. It set square!

Q. Why did Mr. Al G. Bra throw himself into the ocean?
A. He liked to be indices! (In the sea- geddit?)

Q. Why do models like mathematicians?
A. They like the tans!

Q. Why do mathematicians like beauticians?
A. Because they’re talculators!

Q. Why does superman love maths?
A. He likes the powers!

Q. Why do mathematicians like pop stars?
A. They like the x-factors!

Physics

Q. Why did the physics teacher start a fight?
A. He wanted to get physical!

Q. Why do physicists like motorbikes?
A. They’re always high on speed! ('physicists' be interchanged with 'junkies')

Q. Why did the physicist always agree with the mad scientist?
A. They were on the same wavelength!

Q. Why do physics teachers not watch scary films?
A. They prefer the universals!

Q. Why do physicists not like Sunday lunch?
A. They prefer light meals!

Q. Why are physicists always romantically attached to one another?
A. They love the sparks of attraction!

Q. Why do physicists love watching the news?
A. They love the current affairs!

Q. Where do physicists live?
A. Velo City

Q. Where do physicists wear their wedding rings?
A. On their digitals!

Q. Why do physics teachers love walkie-talkies?
A. They love radio activity!

Chemistry

Q. What happened when the chemistry teacher tried to shoot a bird?
A. He che-missed!

Q. Why did the anti-chemist lay down vermin traps?
A. He hated moles!

Q. Why did the chemist start a fight with his tap?
A. He preferred hard water!

Q. Why do chemists love relationships?
A. They love the bonding!

Q. What holiday do chemists love the most?
A. Ester!

Q. What did the chemists say when he solved the crime?
A. Elemental!

Q. What did the chemist say when he couldn’t solve the crime?
A. Compound these criminals!

Q. Why do chemists put things off?
A. They like to do things periodically!

Q. Why do chemists like to watch repeat Arnold Swarchenegger movies?
A. They like the re-action!

Biology

Q. What happened when the biologist trained a plant to ride a bike?
A. It couldn’t reach the pedals!

Q. What do skeletons use to call one another?
A. The bone, of course!

Q. Why are biologists always unhappy?
A. They are always at their dis-ease!

Q. Why do botanists always move house?
A. They like laying down new roots!

Q. Why do biologists always smell bad?
A. They have bio!

Q. Why do fat biologists hate genes?
A. They’re always too tight!

Q. What’s a sinful biology teacher’s favourite subject?
A. Evilution!

Q. Why do retired biologists always work in shops?
A. They know what cells well.

Music

Q. Why do musicians love knobs?
A. They a-Door Handel!

Q. What does the composer take to the supermarket?
A. A Chopin list!

Q. Why did the musician kill his friend?
A. He wanted to play on his organs!

Q. Why did the musician kill himself on the piano?
A. He wanted to leave a suicide note!

Q. What’s a musician’s favourite tea-time snack?
A. Buttered trumpets!

Q. Why do musicians envy opera singers?
A. Because they always have-a-lottie!

Q. Why do musicians love rhinos?
A. They like horns!

Q. Why should you never trust a musician?
A. They’re always violint!

Q. Why are musicians good at tennis?
A. They’re good with strings.

Art

Q. Who was the most perverted artist?
A. Leonardo Da Pinchi!

Q. Why do artists like deep meaningful conversations?
A. They like to get to the ‘art of the matter!

Q. Why do artists run everywhere?
A. Because they’re always brushing about.

Q. Why do so many Caribbean artists like hurting themselves?
A. It’s the pain-ting.

Q. Why do artists never win?
A. Because they’re always drawing.

Q. Where did the artist’s only friend come from?
A. Out of the blue.

Q. What are artist’s favourite sweets?
A. Fruit Pastels

Q. What question did the artist ask himself about which pencil to use?
A. ‘2B or not 2B!’

Q. Why was the innocent painting accused of murder?
A. He had been framed

Q. Why are all artists clever?
A. They all went to collage.

Divinity

Q. What is the most holy animal?
A. Monk-eys!

Q. What happened when the Priest looked at the church?
A. He was in-spired!

Q. Why did the congregation boo?
A. Because the speaker had made a bish’up.

Q. What did the bishop say when the vicar farted?
A. Pew-ie!

Q. How do angles greet one another?
A. Halo!

Q. What did God say about his wife’s cakes?
A. These are simply divine!

Q. Who was the first person to invent the aeroplane?
A. Pontius Pilate.

Q. How do people feel at funerals?
A. Grave.

Geography

Q. How did the pupil insult his geography teacher?
A. He told him to get lost!

Q. What did the Geography master have when he was Hungary?
A. Turkey (joke in a joke there- hee-larius!)

History

Q. Why do old history teachers teach the past?
A. Because they haven’t got a future!

Q. What is a Romans favourite food?
A. Caesar salad!

English

Q. What’s English backwards?
A. Normality!

Q. Why do savages like English?
A. They like to shake spears.

Q. What’s a dwarf’s favourite book?
A. Gnomeo and Juliet.

Sport

Q. Who is the best cartoon footballer?
A. Donaldo! (duck- doesn't really work)

Q. Why are rowers always silent?
A. If they speak, they have to argue!

Q. What’s a sportsman's favourite drink?
A. Squash!


I'm funny dammit! I should do standup. Yeah, king of puns, me.

Mentos and Diet Coke Booby Trap

I have to try this some time- instructions here, and aim of the game below!

Make a Cargo Kilt

I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to make me one of these cargo kilts for sure. (By the way, I LOVE this site!)

Top 5 Gaming Icons of All TIme

I love this list. Totally agree with it! Except I might put Sonic the Hedgehog on instead of the Tetris block.

World Sauna Endurance Championship

Why would you do this? It's like saying I'm the best in the world at simultaneously scratching my right ear and whisking an egg whilst hopping.

Duct Tape Wallet

So I've just constructed a duct tape wallet. I started off using these instructions, then kind of bodged it. It looks ok, but, quite frankly, I'd only recommend this project for an empty day- it took 5 hours! Quite fun though. (NB- this picture isn't my wallet. I don't have a camera! Looks quite similar though.)

Randon Recipe Generator

This is hilarious! It generates a completely new (and generally inedible) recipe on every load. My favourites so far are 'battered water' and 'Beef A La Bananas', but I reckon this one is actually doable:

Beef Compote
Serves 2

You will need:

70ml white wine
150ml soy sauce
150g beef
60g bacon
1 chillis

Instructions:

1. pre-heat the oven to 230 C
2. fry the white wine until browned
3. heat the white wine
4. spoon the white wine onto a warmed plate
5. rinse the chillis
6. fry the beef
7. whisk the soy sauce
8. put the bacon in the saucepan
9. bake for 60 minutes and serve hot

Yum.

Homer on money

I've often thought you can learn everything you need to know from television. Here is Homer Simpson's guide to money- he makes perfect sense. My favourite piece of advice is, “it’s a secret thing called a home equity loan. I get all this cash…and the house gets stuck with the bills!” I'll bear it in mind.

Dwight Howard is ridiculous

He just keeps pulling out amazing-ness. Is that a word? I don't even care. Incidentally, Lakers vs. Magic game 4 was pretty awesome.Thanks channel 5!

Steroids gone bad

Gone really really bad. The one below is the worst for me- his knees massively put things into perspective. And so disgustingly venated. Yep, I'm definitely going to go easy on the old exercise!

A New Cloud Type!

The 'asperatus' cloud is an entirely new type. Good, innit? (Via the ever reliable Cloud Appreciation Society.)

American tourist spends 2 hours clinging to speeding train

What an idiot. Honestly, the only reason this is news is because he survived. Tell you what, Chad Vance is no James Bond!

25 Years of Tetris!

Woo! I'm surprised that Countdown is older though. Anyway, well done Tetris! This seems to be a really good online sim. My high score is 7458. I never said I was good at it!

P.S. Factoid- a bit unrelated, I know, but I never knew that the Countdown number generator is called 'CECIL'- Countdown's Electronic Calculator In Leeds. Fancy that.

North Yorkshire have carried out nuclear tests

As usual, I'm a little late. But this is seriously worrying! And we all know Radio Five Live never lies.

Listen here

Sesame Street Classics

Ah, I love Elmo. This was such a sweet video. To make this post a bit more manly, I've put up the Cookie Monster rehab skit from Family Guy which is also quite amusing!

Top 5 Alcoholic Drinks

Of this list, I've only had the bottom 2. I think I need to get on it.

todaysbigthing.com...

... is awesome. I was told about it last night and, having been rudely awoken by the builders, I've spent the morning catching up. My favourites: